Post by Della Wren on Feb 27, 2023 14:36:28 GMT -6
Life happens for us and to us. Some of it we have control over and some of it we clearly don't have control over.
Regardless of whether or not we have control, we have to be able to heal from the experiences that cause us pain. That is the challenging work of being human because we aren't taught how to do this. We aren't taught how to work through the experiences in our lives so that we can be okay after the fact.
After any experience the first step is always to allow the human to have a moment. The human needs to time to feel, make up stories, and yell and scream. The human needs time to go through the motions that it wants to go through. If that means that you cry it out, then that's what you do. There's nothing wrong with any of this because it's a normal human response to experience. It's what we do with it after that matters.
What Are You Thinking?
This is important. You have to filter out all the bull crap that your mind made up while you were busy crying it out. The stories are not true. They are based on your old pain. They are based on previous experience. They are based on the filter of perception that you have and it colors how you see what happens in your life. You have to shut down the stories of the mind. You cannot buy into these. They will keep you stuck.
Where Did the Emotions Come From?
The emotions aren't random. They don't just appear out of nowhere. All emotion, whether we're conscious of it or not comes from the mind. Some thought we had created the emotion. It's our job to figure out what that thought was.
Your emotions are almost always based on previous pain and memory. They are almost never a true reflection of the actual experience. I know that sounds crazy, but remember your perception is skewed and so is mine. Your perception is skewed in favor of protecting you from more pain. You don't allow yourself to see the truth most of the time unless you do so intentionally. What that means is that your emotions are based on the filter instead of the experience.
When you go to understand your feelings, you're looking for what they are hooked to. What old wound did that experience trigger? Whatever that wound was, is where the emotion came from. Once you figure that much out, then you can figure out why it upset you. Were you just reacting to a memory? Remember, anybody can cry at a sad movie. Just because the emotion comes up doesn't mean there is anything to heal. It just means you cried at a sappy movie again. Some people will intentionally watch the same sappy movie over and over again to make themselves cry. There's nothing wrong with it. Just recognize it when it happens.
Was it the actual experience that upset you or was it the filter and the memory that was triggered that upset you?
Sometimes the experiences themselves are upsetting and that's fine. Emotions should start and stop. They should end. If you're going to cry it out, which is totally okay, it should start and stop. Emotion is not unlimited. It is finite. When you finish crying you are done. That is it. There is no more crying to do. Any crying you do after that is just you recalling the sappy movie. Keep the emotion contained so that it doesn't overrun you and overwhelm you. Emotion becomes a distraction that keeps you from seeing the truth because you keep believing there is something else to heal and there isn't. You're reacting to a memory and you just don't see it.
How Am I Responding or Reacting to My Experience?
Most people react unconsciously and often they don't even get a conscious thought in before words and/or actions are said or done. Those are all pre-programmed reactions because you haven't taught yourself how to be aware of your own behavior yet.
How are you contributing to the experiences in your own life?
If you react based on insecurity or doubt or fear, then you're contributing that energy to the experience. It affects how you behave. It affects how you respond or react. Those are things that need to change. You need to understand your own behavior. To do that you have to heal and you have to be able to see the experience clearly.
The ego naturally wants to defend itself. It's a normal, human response. That defense is created from pain that you've experienced in the past. Even if that pain isn't happening right now, you're still reacting based on it all the time. That's what you need to shift once you've done the emotional and mental work.
My focus for my own healing journey these days is behavioral. I'm focused on understanding my own reactions or often, lack of reaction to the things that happen in my life. The focus is on pretending that everything is okay when it isn't. That's all behavioral work and it's all based on old pain that told me that I wasn't allowed to have an opinion or do my own thing. I've healed the wounds. I did the mental work. I'm still working on the behavior. If I don't fix my behavior, then I stay stuck in the pain.
Why did I heal the mental and emotional stuff first?
Because that's what allows me to create new, healthy behaviors instead of just creating new behaviors based on old pain. Now I can see the problems with my behavior and actually change it into something healthy that doesn't continue to victimize me. There really is method in the madness.
Self-Mastery is the Result
When you heal all three things together you get self-mastery. It's not a perfect system. It doesn't necessarily straighten the path out at all, but it does keep you from getting stuck in any one of the three areas.
When you follow what your life is showing you and you're willing to do the work as it shows up, you will heal and you will learn that you can be okay in your own life without needing to change much of anything. It's not that you can't change, it's just that when we make change based on pain, it's usually not the right change. We just create more pain for ourselves instead of healing.
Self-mastery takes time. It's a commitment. It takes work.
I'm on that path myself and I hope you'll join me.
Love to all.
Della
Regardless of whether or not we have control, we have to be able to heal from the experiences that cause us pain. That is the challenging work of being human because we aren't taught how to do this. We aren't taught how to work through the experiences in our lives so that we can be okay after the fact.
After any experience the first step is always to allow the human to have a moment. The human needs to time to feel, make up stories, and yell and scream. The human needs time to go through the motions that it wants to go through. If that means that you cry it out, then that's what you do. There's nothing wrong with any of this because it's a normal human response to experience. It's what we do with it after that matters.
What Are You Thinking?
This is important. You have to filter out all the bull crap that your mind made up while you were busy crying it out. The stories are not true. They are based on your old pain. They are based on previous experience. They are based on the filter of perception that you have and it colors how you see what happens in your life. You have to shut down the stories of the mind. You cannot buy into these. They will keep you stuck.
Where Did the Emotions Come From?
The emotions aren't random. They don't just appear out of nowhere. All emotion, whether we're conscious of it or not comes from the mind. Some thought we had created the emotion. It's our job to figure out what that thought was.
Your emotions are almost always based on previous pain and memory. They are almost never a true reflection of the actual experience. I know that sounds crazy, but remember your perception is skewed and so is mine. Your perception is skewed in favor of protecting you from more pain. You don't allow yourself to see the truth most of the time unless you do so intentionally. What that means is that your emotions are based on the filter instead of the experience.
When you go to understand your feelings, you're looking for what they are hooked to. What old wound did that experience trigger? Whatever that wound was, is where the emotion came from. Once you figure that much out, then you can figure out why it upset you. Were you just reacting to a memory? Remember, anybody can cry at a sad movie. Just because the emotion comes up doesn't mean there is anything to heal. It just means you cried at a sappy movie again. Some people will intentionally watch the same sappy movie over and over again to make themselves cry. There's nothing wrong with it. Just recognize it when it happens.
Was it the actual experience that upset you or was it the filter and the memory that was triggered that upset you?
Sometimes the experiences themselves are upsetting and that's fine. Emotions should start and stop. They should end. If you're going to cry it out, which is totally okay, it should start and stop. Emotion is not unlimited. It is finite. When you finish crying you are done. That is it. There is no more crying to do. Any crying you do after that is just you recalling the sappy movie. Keep the emotion contained so that it doesn't overrun you and overwhelm you. Emotion becomes a distraction that keeps you from seeing the truth because you keep believing there is something else to heal and there isn't. You're reacting to a memory and you just don't see it.
How Am I Responding or Reacting to My Experience?
Most people react unconsciously and often they don't even get a conscious thought in before words and/or actions are said or done. Those are all pre-programmed reactions because you haven't taught yourself how to be aware of your own behavior yet.
How are you contributing to the experiences in your own life?
If you react based on insecurity or doubt or fear, then you're contributing that energy to the experience. It affects how you behave. It affects how you respond or react. Those are things that need to change. You need to understand your own behavior. To do that you have to heal and you have to be able to see the experience clearly.
The ego naturally wants to defend itself. It's a normal, human response. That defense is created from pain that you've experienced in the past. Even if that pain isn't happening right now, you're still reacting based on it all the time. That's what you need to shift once you've done the emotional and mental work.
My focus for my own healing journey these days is behavioral. I'm focused on understanding my own reactions or often, lack of reaction to the things that happen in my life. The focus is on pretending that everything is okay when it isn't. That's all behavioral work and it's all based on old pain that told me that I wasn't allowed to have an opinion or do my own thing. I've healed the wounds. I did the mental work. I'm still working on the behavior. If I don't fix my behavior, then I stay stuck in the pain.
Why did I heal the mental and emotional stuff first?
Because that's what allows me to create new, healthy behaviors instead of just creating new behaviors based on old pain. Now I can see the problems with my behavior and actually change it into something healthy that doesn't continue to victimize me. There really is method in the madness.
Self-Mastery is the Result
When you heal all three things together you get self-mastery. It's not a perfect system. It doesn't necessarily straighten the path out at all, but it does keep you from getting stuck in any one of the three areas.
When you follow what your life is showing you and you're willing to do the work as it shows up, you will heal and you will learn that you can be okay in your own life without needing to change much of anything. It's not that you can't change, it's just that when we make change based on pain, it's usually not the right change. We just create more pain for ourselves instead of healing.
Self-mastery takes time. It's a commitment. It takes work.
I'm on that path myself and I hope you'll join me.
Love to all.
Della